Cause hell what's it all about anyway?

I'm sitting here, cramped on this blasted chairlift. The wind is whipping at my face, numbing my cheeks and neck with sharp prickles. My feet have lost all feeling in them, although I did distinctly remember them searing with pain just a few moments ago. My mind flashes back to twenty minutes before, where I had been blissfully cramped up asleep in my mother's van. Oh, how simple life had been when I could nap at will!

A snap of wind diverts my attention back to the present situation. It's all a game of survival at this stage, a game of wits and ... oh how cold it is. I wish I could just curl up and fall asleep again, anywhere. Even that snowbank over there looks fairly habitable, especially if it was to be a temporary-type-thing. 

But then I get to the top of the mountain.  The wind howls up here, with a sheer force that is completely alien to me.  Any lingering thoughts of resent vanish as I gaze upon the beauty that has been bestowed upon me. I felt almost guilty, looking at its pure divinity. There below me, the valleys that cusp between the mountaintops were graced with the wispiest of clouds. Feather-like, ethereal, they were curled as if God himself had twirled these gray strands of hair around his fingers. The setting sun cast pockets of gold light upon them, lighting a smile upon everything it touched. A fine mist sparkled around me, danced, as the wind continued to howl and crackle around me. The mountains kept their solemn omnipotence as I held my breath, exhilarated. 

I think I finally know what it's all about.

A note on oatmeal.

Why is it so difficult for us to accept the inevitable?
Why do we find an urge to run from place to place, to avoid the truth that is staring at us?
Why is it so difficult for us as human beings to not question the unanswerable?
Why..... do we ask?

I'm in an interesting mood today, so to complement the day I've decided to try and tackle the interesting questions.
With.... a story.

Today I was hustled out of bed five minutes before we were to leave for church. My father obviously expects me to go and shower, change, and get ready in under this time and still manage to stomach a bowl of oatmeal.

A note about oatmeal - It is awful, I cannot stand it. Something about warm milk and soggy oatmeal flakes all the consistency, texture, and taste of wallpaper paste simply does not imply to me like it should be edible in any sort of way.

Moving on, I wharf down my oatmeal and run into the car to get to church. Let me tell you, I was in no mood today to go to church. I'd been away from any decent sort of contact for ages and the aftermath of Christmas makes me want to sleep for the next week. But all things aside, I was also a little nervous about going to church. Ironic really, considering that that is the place that you are to obtain salvation. On a broader note, maybe I didn't want to obtain salvation. Not quite. I wasn't sure, really.

I get into my pew, and here is what I realize. The answer to all those questions..(Why is it so difficult for us to accept the inevitable? Why do we find an urge to run from place to place, to avoid the truth that is staring at us?
Why is it so difficult for us as human beings to not question the unanswerable?) ... is that I am unable to love myself. Ok, I tell myself. No problem, just repeat it as a mantra. Get it into your head, you'll believe it sometime.

I sat there for that entire hour, repeating to myself: I love you, it's okay. I forgive you. I love you, it's okay, I forgive you. I thought I was doing well, very well in fact.

But then my brother puts his hand in mine. Unable to accept the fact that I am worthy of his attentions, his love, his worries, I burst into tears.

The lesson here? Love yourself. The side effects of not doing so are adverse and not worth exploring.

Happy Sunday everyone.

The heart of Christmas.

Christmas -
It's really quite the same no matter where you go.
All cheerful and upbeat, hopeful.
A time when we oversee all differences
and welcome each other with open arms.
It's proof that at least once a year
we as a human race can put together a conscious effort for the better.



- It just fills you with an indescribable joy when you look at the big picture, doesn't it?

Christmas.

This is the time, where all anticipation comes to an end.
Was it everything you hoped for?
Was it the perfect image of your dreams?
Breathless by excitement-
hearts filled, and faces bright.
Do you sit content? Or do you ache for something more?
Do you have answers? Explanations?
Or is it just a reflection?
Bittersweet.
Have a very Merry Christmas.
May joy radiate through you- if only for one moment.
See the stars in the night-
love with all your might.

Good night.

Christmas Eve.

On window panes, the icy frost
Leaves feathered patterns, crissed & crossed,
But in our house the Christmas tree
is decorated festively
With tiny dots of colored light
That cozy up this Winter night.
Christmas songs, familiar slow,
Play softly on the radio.
Pops and hisses from the fire
Whistle with the bells and choir.
My tiger is now fast asleep
On his back and dreaming deep.
When the fire makes him hot,
he turns to warm whatever’s not.
Propped against him on the rug,
I give my friend a gentle hug.
Tomorrow’s what I’m waiting for,
But I can wait a little more.

Suspended...

An endless dream...
moved by a shaken reality.
Here I lay-
suspended.
The sky is gray,
but the colour is within.
Clutter fills minds
as noise covers thoughts.
Drifting circles.
Endless cycles?
Come forward.

The Happy Birthday Song.

I look into kaleidescope eyes
I hear the truth, but I want lies
We take the bus, your face stays true,
I'm lying now, oh why can't you?

I say it now, Happy Birthday
Why does it matter anyway?
Happy Birthday dear, my love, my sweet,
watch over me as I cry at your feet.

I love you love, I love you so,
but without you, where will I go?
I love you love but I run away
to make sure that by myself I stay

I say it now, Happy Birthday
Why does it matter anyway?
Happy Birthday dear, my love my sweet,
watch over me as I cry at your feet.

Satin Eyes. (Tina's song)

Satin eyes,
a siren's song that's run askew
Satin eyes,
are leading me to somewhere new
Satin eyes,
have tied a knot that's satin blue
Satin eyes,
belong to you.

Snow on the skin (feel it within)

Footsteps in the snow,
who ever really knows where they will go?
Who ever really knows where they have been?
Hush, child, find peace from within.

Angels in the snow,
so lovely in the sun they will glow,
They won't ever feel the pain of sin
Their lives are bitter, only wafer-thin.

Footsteps in the snow,
lead to beds where boys with girls will go
leads to love that I have never known,
my footsteps have left me all alone.

Angels in the snow,
Oh what bitter memories all these angels know
I take a hand and feel snow on my skin
but who will feel what I do deep within?

Snow in the mind. ( A thought )

I love winter. It's when the world hibernates - life slows down. You don your tea for a hot chocolate, grab a book and read. You put on thin clothes and make snow angels, soak through your snow pants because you keep flipping your sled. You ice skate at midnight, under the halo of floodlights. While taking walks, your breath puffs into icy clouds. Snow forms in small clumps on your mittens, it hardens into ice and then melts through. Cold in unpleasant places, sweat pouring down your brow. You'll finish making your snow man, straighten your back, and then look up.

One day, life will stare back at you, laced with a sweet irony. Lights flash, posters scream, the sounds of the city speak to you. But so does the lover that now takes your cold hand in his, smiles with a light that is brighter than any shop window. But yet, in the morning, it's always to those cold busy streets that we run to, not to his warm embrace.

But for now anyways, I find comfort in the snow. At least then the cold reminds me where I am, makes me ever concious of my situation. Helps me to find true warmth.

Winter.

Winter - streets ethereal tenuous mud-luscious
sleepy faces softened hearts

Snow - sleeps dances WHO-OO-SH
sends hot shards down cold lungs
prickles virgin skin

Cold - numbing painful laborious

All this weather's gone to my head,
So please - just let me go to bed.

Pen Recommendation....

There has not been a post here in a while. So... for the sake of this blog, and to purely entertain myself on this cold Saturday night....I will write. I still have a little bit of time before midnight- when my brain shuts off and I can't think or spell properly anymore.

What is there to talk about? Well, nothing. So I will just talk about the thing that rocks my world- or at least puts a smile on my face.

*Drum roll*

The Sharpie Pen.

Firstly, who doesn't love writing in Sharpie? It sort of makes you feel badass. Or at least that is how I feel. It's like "Hey world, I am going to damage you with my permanent marker." You know...whatever. But what do you do with paper? Sharpie just bleeds through and makes a mess. It was a disappointment until.....du du duuuu- The Sharpie pen. I don't even know when these things came out. Summer 2009 or sometime around that. I just remember seeing the commercial and becoming extremely excited. And as a North American consumer... of course I went to the store and bought one.

It is awesome. It is the ultimate pen. It doesn't make a mess, so you can write to your hearts content....on both sides of the paper! This pen also rocks for drawing. I haven't used anything else to draw with since I got this pen. I could go on forever. But I will stop.

I love this pen. And for all you creative people....you will love it too.
Buy one.

Happy December 12.

Me + Whiteout + Binder + Time = Pure Unfiltered Awesome

Snow

White oceans flood the earth.
Excitement is rapid.
An initial hate, changed by beauty.
Slowing down-
perfectly still.

Awe Full Puns

...why not?

Organ donors put their heart into it.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.

I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

One time, I had insomnia, so I went to take some sleeping pills, but I didn't want to wake them up.

She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.

The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.

I really do have a photographic memory - I just haven't developed it yet.

The harm caused by sibling rivalry is relative.

If a judge loves the sound of his own voice, expect a long sentence.

I'm bad at math, so the equation 2n+2n is 4n to me.

If you think you are a set of curtains, either see a psychiatrist or pull yourself together.

Don't expect to eat something fancy when you're flying because it's plane food.

And many, many more....