A note on oatmeal.

Why is it so difficult for us to accept the inevitable?
Why do we find an urge to run from place to place, to avoid the truth that is staring at us?
Why is it so difficult for us as human beings to not question the unanswerable?
Why..... do we ask?

I'm in an interesting mood today, so to complement the day I've decided to try and tackle the interesting questions.
With.... a story.

Today I was hustled out of bed five minutes before we were to leave for church. My father obviously expects me to go and shower, change, and get ready in under this time and still manage to stomach a bowl of oatmeal.

A note about oatmeal - It is awful, I cannot stand it. Something about warm milk and soggy oatmeal flakes all the consistency, texture, and taste of wallpaper paste simply does not imply to me like it should be edible in any sort of way.

Moving on, I wharf down my oatmeal and run into the car to get to church. Let me tell you, I was in no mood today to go to church. I'd been away from any decent sort of contact for ages and the aftermath of Christmas makes me want to sleep for the next week. But all things aside, I was also a little nervous about going to church. Ironic really, considering that that is the place that you are to obtain salvation. On a broader note, maybe I didn't want to obtain salvation. Not quite. I wasn't sure, really.

I get into my pew, and here is what I realize. The answer to all those questions..(Why is it so difficult for us to accept the inevitable? Why do we find an urge to run from place to place, to avoid the truth that is staring at us?
Why is it so difficult for us as human beings to not question the unanswerable?) ... is that I am unable to love myself. Ok, I tell myself. No problem, just repeat it as a mantra. Get it into your head, you'll believe it sometime.

I sat there for that entire hour, repeating to myself: I love you, it's okay. I forgive you. I love you, it's okay, I forgive you. I thought I was doing well, very well in fact.

But then my brother puts his hand in mine. Unable to accept the fact that I am worthy of his attentions, his love, his worries, I burst into tears.

The lesson here? Love yourself. The side effects of not doing so are adverse and not worth exploring.

Happy Sunday everyone.