Talking to Mary.

It was her that followed down every stupid turn that you took.
I told you so.

Wisdom.

Do you know how people say that with experience comes wisdom?
I'm not exactly sure that this is true anymore -
The more that you live life.... the more you start to regret things.

Certainly you learn some things - you learn that with over-drinking comes a splitting headache; that maybe next time you should wear mittens EVEN if they don't match with your coat.
But you also start to let things go... you push the boundaries that had been set there by your parents, let go of morals that you had before. And then you realize why you had them. You realize why you treasured purity, why you cheered for good and cuddled closer to your mother whenever the wicked witch was to make a guest appearance.

But as we grow older, we begin to comprehend that we are the wicked witch - that it's with the few inches of space inside of our heads that we are battling with. And if we don't like the ending we just can't go to sleep and leave the lights on in the hallways. Or have a warm bath and sink under the water with all of our troubles. We just can't put this book away in the dark corner of the bookshelf. Because we only have one book... and we can't rip out the pages.

I got hit by a car today - and let me tell you - I learned nothing.

I just came to accept that life sort of runs its course and that one day there will be a car with our name on it. Sometimes you get lucky.. but it's just a matter of time before someone forgets to apply the brakes.

Pain.

I'm very frustrated.
People can be complete idiots at times.

Yesterday someone asked me -
Why is there so much pain on earth?
If God exists and he really loves us, then why did he allow for sin and for pain to exist on earth?
He could give us freedom - but without all this. Couldn't he?

Well yes. He could.
But think about someone that is very close to you. If you really love them, you would wish for them to live the fullest life possible, no matter what that entitles. When you have a child, you realize that there is a day where you must let go. Even when it means that they will get hurt. If you shield them from everything that is bad, will they ever truly value good? Will they ever feel truly free? Truly balanced?

And besides, pain is much more valuable then people seem to realize.

Without disasters, would acts of generosity ever happen? If you never missed someone, would you ever be truly affectionate to them? Without pain, how would you understand the depth of your love after another person's death? Without fright, would you ever hold your child oh so very close to you?

Without pain, would you ever fully understand the worth of love?


Open your heart. Open your mind. Stop asking questions, and just listen.

Sometimes it gets a little cold inside...

But they told me, they told me-
I should just concentrate and breathe.